Thank you to both my sister and my friend for the nice comments last night... I didn't eat a single one of those things... in fact I ate a roasted chicken breast with sundried tomatoes on it over a salad of mixed greens and a bit of avocado, tomato and mushrooms.
Then I took two Advil Cold and Sinus and told the cat 'lets go lay on the bed for a minute until mommy's headache goes away'. Well, two guesses how that turned out!
I think I've figured out what the problem is... or what A problem is.
I'm bored. I've never been a good cook or chef altho I can whip up yummy things to eat. I'm not imaginative or inspired in the kitchen... Pattypan squashes stuffed with bacon and spinach? Sounds divine... probably wouldn't make it.
Butter Chicken over Spagetti squash? LOOKS divine and yet, there's a good chance I'm not making that either... altho it has a better chance cause it's two of my favorite foods.
I'm bored of putting stuff on salad... I'm bored of trying to think up things to make for dinner... I'm bored of smoothies for breakfast... altho every morning they are my favorite thing, I'm bored of making them and buying the ingredients for them and thinking about them.
I know what I need to do... I need to nest... I need to pull out the crockpot and make things... Mexican Pasta Sauce (it's basically chili without the beans), chunky pasta sauce for pouring over squash. Cabbage roll soup and Curry Chicken Soup.
I need to be able to pull something out of the freezer and not have to think about it. I want to go back to a time when I didn't constantly think about food. That was one of the biggest reasons why I didn't want to join the Zone or Weight Watchers... I don't like to be and don't want to be obsessed with food...even so far as not wanting to have to 'dream up' dinner.
The last sentance in my last post was And I want to not care when I eat it....
I do not want to care... Not in the way that I don't care what I eat and how I feel... just that I don't want to give food so much attention. Giving it this much attention for me gives it an awful lot of power... and that power turns into obsession...
So, now that I know what A PART of the problem is, how do I fix it?
I go back to that which I know... if food is easy, I stop caring about it in an active way. A bagel and cheddar cheese was the easiest meal I ever made. Not the best or most healthy, but I knew what I was having when I was on the bus on the way home, I knew it took little effort, it tasted good and when I was done, I was done. I believe I should be able to translate those requirements to actual food and putting a bunch of stuff in the freezer will be very helpful.
I also think that even with all the stuff in the freezer, I'm going to start making a weekly meal plan. That way I only need to think about food the one time.
I hope this helps... any suggestions in this vein of not wanting to have to think about food are welcome!
And I won't be eating cupcakes anytime soon... I promise!